


A Very Merry Un-Birthday

by rosewell893



Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Birthday Party, Fluff and Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:48:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25738321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosewell893/pseuds/rosewell893
Summary: Nandor decides to throw Guillermo a surprise party for his birthday.
Relationships: Guillermo de la Cruz/Nandor the Relentless
Comments: 10
Kudos: 78





	A Very Merry Un-Birthday

  
Nandor is seen holding the end of a strip of red crepe paper to the ceiling of Guillermo's room with one hand, and attempting to extract a piece of tape from the dispenser in his other. This goes about as well as Camera Two had expected; Nandor accidentally crushes the flimsy plastic object while trying to cut the tape on the dispenser's serrated edge, sending the roll of tape and several pieces of green plastic tumbling to the floor.

"Oh, for fuck's sake!" he hisses. As he reaches down to get the tape roll, he notices the documentary crew staring amusedly at him from behind their equipment. 

"Oh, I didn't see you there," he says with an awkward and slightly embarrassed smile, "would you...hand that roll of tape over to me, please?"

Camera Two walks out from behind his camera stand and hands the tape roll to Nandor.

"Thank you, Camera Two," Nandor says with a small grin as he takes the roll from the human, "I am glad you decided to not put your neck in my mouth those many weeks ago," he confides in a hushed tone, oblivious to the microphones that pick it up, despite his efforts.

Camera Two gives an awkward chuckle in response. Nandor turns his attention back towards taping the paper strip to the ceiling.

(The shot switches to interview style.) 

"I am planning a surprise birthday party for Guillermo!" he announces quietly but enthusiatically, a bright smile spreading across his face. He eagerly motions with his hand for the cameramen to capture the room's decorated state. 

The pan of the camera reveals Guillermo's room as it usually is, save for the multi-colored crepe paper strips hanging from the ceiling, a purple sign with the words "HAPPY BIRTHDAY GEERMO" written on it in glittery green letters that rests against the screen of the familiar's open laptop, and a white grocery bag sitting on his bed with contents unknown. As the camera returns to its original position, Nandor is seen looking over his masterpiece with a proud stance and expression.

"If you think that the birthday decorations are nice, just wait until you see his birthday gift." Nandor glides towards Guillermo's bed and sits down, then starts digging through the grocery bag.  
A camerman starts to lift the camera on Nandor up higher to get an angle that exposes what's inside the bag. Nandor catches wind of this and hisses loudly at him, causing the offending cameraman to jump and nearly drop said camera. 

"Mm-mm, no peeking," Nandor scolds while wagging his finger, as if he were scolding a naughty child. He continues collecting the birthday gift out of the grocery bag. Once he has it, he pulls it out and presents it to the camera, revealing it to be a large glitter jar comprised of violet, fuschia, and green glitter with small sliver stars floating within the liquid and a white bat icon painted on the front of it. Nandor looks over it in reverence, holding it as if it were a priceless artifact.

"It is a glitter jar," he states to the camera, his eyes still on the jar, "He really liked the glitter portrait I made of me and him for the anniversary, so I made him this glitter jar for his birthday," he suddenly snaps his vision towards the camera lens, "but it's not only just a glitter jar..." he says, dropping his voice by a few octaves and giving a playful smile. He reaches for the lamp on Guillermo's desk and turns it off. Once the lights go out, the jar gives off a deep purple glow and the silver stars that float around inside the jar create shadows that dance slowly on the walls.

"It is a 'glows in the darkness' glitter jar!" he says in a harsh whisper, with a look of wonder in his eyes as he stares at the glittery mass in his hands. The moment is interrupted by the sound of the front door being pounded against. The sound that makes both vampire and cameraman alike jump. Guillermo is home.

Nandor scuffles to switch the lamp back on. The cameramen look around in confusion as to what to do. 

"Go! Go! Shoo!" Nandor commands harshly under his breath while swiping at them with his hand. The cameramen make haste and between sways of the incredibly rocky footage Nandor can be seen stuffing the jar back in the grocery bag.

The wooden door jerks open and Guillermo makes his way in. He notices the cameramen filming him, as usual. 

"Oh, hey guys," he greets, giving them a small wave. Guillermo shuts the door behind him and walks further into the foyer. "I was just running some errands for my master," he explains, his usual polite smile upon his lips, "Apparently, we needed more Tide To-Go Pens," he lifts the white grocery bag in his hand up into the frame, "even though I just got some yesterday, he insisted-"

"Guillermo? Is that you?" Nandor shouts from the hallway, cutting Guillermo off.

"Yes, Master! I've got your Tide To-Go Pens!" Guillermo replies. He starts walking towards the hallway. "Where are you, Master?"

"In my room, Guillermo!" Nandor replies. Guillermo makes his way to the door of Nandor's bedroom and turns the knob. He stops when he hears Nandor shout again, "Just put the pens in your room, Guillermo!"

Guillermo gives a confused look to the camera but continues on, anyway. As he approaches the curtain, he and the microphones can hear what sounds like someone giggling from inside of his room.

Guillermo starts to pull the curtain aside. When it's about halfway open, a blaring, high-pitched noise emits from the closet, making him jump back and shout "¡Mierda!" in response. Once he steadies himself he hunches over and takes a deep breath, trying to calm his rapid heartbeat. Nandor whips his head around the edge of the curtain and gives him a mischevious smile.

"Did I surprise you, Guillermo?" he asks, earning him an annoyed side-glance from his flabberghasted familiar.

"Yes," Guillermo breathes out, trying to sound formal through his aggravated state, "Yes, you did, Master."

Nandor takes an arm out from behind the curtain and throws his fist into the air. 

"YES!" he exclaims, clearly pleased with himself, and retreats behind the curtain. Guillermo straightens himself up again and places the bag of Tide To-Go Pens by the side of his archway, the camera crew remain close behind.

"Come, Guillermo! The surprise isn't over yet!" Nandor whines through the curtain. Guillermo pulls it aside completely this time and spots the decorated closet, with his Master sitting on his bed, party hat on his head, and a party blower in each hand.

"Happy Birthday, Guillermo!" Nandor cheers, he then blows on the party blowers in unison again. Guillermo gasps, his eyes and smile grow wide, and he is not letting the ringing in his ear nor the horrible misspelling of his name ruin this happy moment.

"Wow...!" he exclaims breathily, half genuine and half trying to keep his Master's enthusiasm alive, "I was not expecting this."

Nandor's smile grows at that, enhancing his already pleased expression.

"Here, sit," he says, as he puts his party blowers to the side and pats on the free part of the mattress next to him. Guillermo shoots a pleased look at the camera before eagerly making his way to the mattress and takes a seat next to Nandor, who keeps his perky smile and does not look at him like he has two heads this time.

Once Guillermo sits down beside him, and the camera crew get their perfect angles for the scene, Nandor reaches for the grocery bag at his side and pulls out a clear plastic container that contains a large vanilla cupcake with swirled blue frosting and sprinkles on it with a single red cake candle sticking out from the center. 

"I got you this," he says, handing the container over to Guillermo. Guillermo takes the container and smiles once he sees its contents. "It is for eating and wishing purposes."

"Aww," Guillermo murmurs, triggering a small smile on Nandor's lips, "thank you, master." 

He breaks the white sticker seal and pops it open, the sweet smell of vanilla and funfetti frosting hitting his nostrils. Guillermo picks it up and holds it in front of his mouth, intent on taking a lick of frosting. 

"Wait-wait!" Nandor exclaims, grabbing Guillermo's wrists and pulling down on them, abruptly lowering the sweet treat from his lips, "You have to make a wish, first!"

Guillermo fights a wave of irritation that's apparent in his facial expression and the way he cocks his head slightly. "I don't have a lighter. Or matches. Can't I just not make a wish?"

An annoyed look crosses Nandor's face. "No, Guillermo, you must make a birthday wish. That is what you do at a birthday party. If you do not make the birthday wish and blow out the birthday candles at a birthday party than it is not a birthday party, it is just a party." he argues in a condescending tone that only fuels Guillermo's irritated state. Nandor readjusts himself on the bed so that he is directly facing his familiar. "I shall light it with my vampiric powers!" he announces huskily, with a dark smile.

Guillermo gives a wide-eyed look of caution at this. He remembers what happened the last time his master lit something with his 'vampiric powers'. A trick that nearly set the familiar on fire in the middle of the 24-hour market. Now being in a small, wooden, and not to mention extremely flammable space doesn't help ease his nerves, either. The cameramen are aware of this as well, as they start giving each other nervous glances off frame.

"Okay, just," he extends the cupcake towards Nandor, "please be careful, master," he pleads, as he leans back and squints his eyes in preparation. Nandor gives him a quick scornful look for his lack of faith in his master's abilities and raises his hand. With a flick of his wrist and a snap of his fingers, the candle lights itself with a spark, making Guillermo flinch slightly and shriek per reflex. Nandor flashes a look of pride to the camera at his accomplishment.

"See? It is lit, Guillermo," his proud expression drops into a scowl as he turns his gaze towards his familiar, "You doubted me, and I am noting it."

Guillermo lets go of a breath he didn't realize he was holding. "Yes, master. I'm sorry, master."

Nandor's hard expression softens up at his familiar's apology, then grows into an excited smile as he brings his mind back to the task at hand. "Oh, never mind that, you have to make your birthday wish!" He reaches for the table lamp once more to turn it off, and the room goes black, except for the warm light that the birthday candle gives off, and a glowing purple light emitting from the forgotten grocery bag. The glow catches Guillermo's attention.

"What's that?" he asks, pointing towards the grocery bag. This sparks a look of innocent faux confusion on his master's face. Nandor crosses his legs and sets his intertwined hands on his lap while looking to and fro.

"Oh, I don't know. It could be anything." he responds, clearly playing dumb in his usual way. He grabs the grocery bag from his side and holds it out in his hands. "Why don't you have a look, Guillermo?"

Guillermo sets the cupcake down on his desk and carefully takes the bag from Nandor, who looks absolutely giddy. This excites and scares Guillermo, for all he knows his master could be setting him up for another one of his 'birthday surprises'. Despite this, he gives Nandor an encouraging smile in return before opening the grocery bag. It contains an open party blower bag (with four left over blowers), two more boxes of Tide-To-Go Pens, a box of pre-sharpened #2 pencils, and the glitter jar. 

"You got me pencils?" he asks as he pulls out the box. 

Nandor looks down at his hands before he replies, "I saw you drawing in your book the other night and I thought you'd like to have more pencils to draw with." 

"Oh, thank you, master!" he replies. His response causes Nandor to start playing with his rings, his eyes still on his hands. If a vampire could blush, he most certainly would have.

Guillermo turns his attention back towards the bag and pulls out the boxes of Tide To-Go Pens. "More pens. I'll be set for a while, huh?" he jokes, chuckling awkwardly at Nandor. 

Nandor nods and smiles back at him. "Yes, no need to take so many trips to the market, now," he elbows his familiar in the arm softly and gives him a less than subtle wink before continuing, "less chance of catching the plague."

Guillermo's heart melts a little at that. Nandor can sense it by the twinkle in his eyes and this makes him feel tingly inside. He looks away once again.

Guillermo returns to the bag and pulls out the large glitter jar. He looks at it in half-genuine astonishment. Nandor stares at his face from the dark, watching the human's features light up in the purple hue and catches himself grinning subconsciously at the sight.

"Wow...!" Guillermo gasps, eyes fixated on the jar. Nandor lets the smile return then and leans forward to get a better look at his work of art.

"It is a 'glows in the darkness' glitter jar," Nandor explains eagerly, "I made it myself, with help from a too-trial I found in the ether."

Guillermo gives him a look of confusion, before realizing what that meant. "Too-trial? You mean a tutorial?"

Nandor gave a nod. "As I said. A too-turial."

Guillermo gives a beat smile before returning his attention to the jar. The multi-colored glitter dances around the small silver stars and he watches it with an almost dazed expression, as if it were hypnotizing him. Nandor continues to look at his face, drinking in the sight of his familiar being fascinated with the jar of glitter. The way his eyes twinkle and the way his smile seems to widen with each passing moment. After a while, Nandor realizes that he, too, had been smiling this whole time.

After what seems like minutes, Nandor snaps out of it and clears his throat, breaking the silence. "The ether told me that this jar is supposed to relax and calm you if you look at it," he explains matter-of-factly, "are you relaxed, Guillermo?"

"Mm-hm," Guillermo replies, still mesmerized by the jar. Nandor gives a victorious smile and a double thumbs-up to the camera at the human's response. 

Guillermo turns towards his master and smiles at him, "I really appreciate it, master. Thank you."

Nandor bashfully retreats his head between his shoulders slightly and looks down before responding with, "You are welcome, Guillermo."

They stay in this awkward but warm silence for a moment before Nandor suddenly gasps, jerks towards the desk, and grabs the cupcake, of which the giant whip of frosting now has a red candlewax pit inside of it. Ignorant of this, he shoves it at Guillermo eagerly.

"You still have to make your birthday wish, Guillermo!" Nandor exclaims impatiently. 

"Oh, that's right!" Guillermo sets the jar on the desk where the cupcake had previously been, "I nearly forgot about that, sorry."

Nandor scoffs at that, "Just hurry up and blow out the candle before it melts away!"

Guillermo returns to his bed and faces the cupcake. Nandor positions it so that the flame sits a mere couple inches from the familiar's mouth. Guillermo closes his eyes, takes in a breath, and blows the candle out. The vampire sets the cupcake down on the desk once again and starts clapping his hands. 

"Yay! Happy birthday!" he cheers, making his familiar don a huge toothy grin that he hides behind his hands. Once Nandor is done clapping, he turns the lamp back on for the final time and stands up and stretches, his joints popping from the lack of movement. Guillermo looks up at him from below with a pleased expression.

"So, back to business as usual, sir?" he asks, half-joking. Nandor looks down at him with a tinge of softness in his eyes.

"I don't think so, Guillermo. You may take a second night off for the week, if you wish," Nandor makes his way to the closet's doorway before continuing, "if not, I got blood on my fancy collar, again, if you wish to clean it." 

Guillermo sighs, though still smiling. "I'm taking the night off, but I'll clean it anyway, master."

Nandor's eyes light up at that and he smiles at the human. He then ducks through the doorway and wisps passed the curtain, with the cameramen following suit. Guillermo watches them all leave, before taking the cupcake from the desktop and slowly licking the blue frosting in the spots that weren't burnt from the molten wax sinkhole.

(The shot switches to interview style.)

"I'd say tonight was a good night," Guillermo states to the camera with a happy expression. "My master threw me a surprise birthday party and gave me an extra night off, which was nice." His face drops slightly as he looks down towards the floor. "...Even though my birthday was two weeks ago."


End file.
